by Mitchell Scuzzarella

Two-dozen students are sitting in the basement of UMass’ Crampton Hall. Only five minutes before, they were laughing and joking about the conquests of the weekend. Now they sit in silence, uncomfortable to be talking about the same subject.

The event, No Blurred Lines: Getting Clear Consent, began with a fun activity: students had to list as many words as possible to describe “sex.”

As the list grew, it became easier to forget the seriousness of the topic. That was until the presenters revealed the point of the exercise. Despite the laughter, many of the words posted were violent and male-oriented. Bang, screw, slam – the language was focused on power.

This event was designed to teach students how to talk about sex with their partners and lead healthier, stronger sex lives. Presenters from the UMass Center for Women and Community explained the concept of consent, what it looks like, and how to give and receive it. It is essential in every sexual activity to ensure comfort and willingness between partners.

According to the presenters from CWC, consent comes in two basic forms: verbal and nonverbal. Verbal consent means specifically asking or telling a partner what is comfortable in bed. While not everyone will feel comfortable talking so candidly about sex, it is important to know that a partner is aware and is expressing a willingness to participate.

Becky Lockwood, Associate Director of Counseling and Rape Crisis Services at the UMass CWC, says this conversation or interaction doesn’t have to be awkward.

“Figure out how to make it sexy, how to make it fun,” Lockwood says. “It’s all about keeping the conversation clear and keeping it going.”

Nonverbal consent requires a conscious awareness of a partner’s signals; specifically how comfortable and willing he or she is to participate in sexual activity. An example of nonverbal consent might involve a partner guiding the other’s hand to their body to demonstrate where he or she wishes to be touched.

When a partner is under the influence, consent is not always easy to determine. Sexual activity can cross over into assault when someone is too drunk to give consent.

Lockwood says students are often confused by the mixed messages about sexuality that pervade the culture.

“There is still so much sexism in our culture for men to always say yes [to sex] and for women to always feel the virgin or the whore,” she said.

Alcohol is a major factor in sexual assault on college campuses, but not its cause, says Lockwood. At the end of the day, it is up to an individual to make the call on whether someone is too intoxicated to give proper consent. Lockwood says alcohol should never be to blame for an assault.

“If everyone stopped drinking there would still be sexual assault,” said Lockwood. “But sometimes, people who are perpetrators will use alcohol to rationalize their assault.”

The rationalization of assault by means of alcohol-related situations has led to an unfortunate stereotype for those victimized while intoxicated. Bystanders may see the victim as a willing participant who regrets his or her drunken behavior and claims “rape” in response. According to Lockwood and the CWC, everyone who is a bystander is responsible for preventing sexual assaults.

At the workshop, CWC organizers prompt students with sexual assault scenarios, asking them how they would respond as bystanders. Whether they chose a direct route or found a creative way to get the victim away from his or her abuser, the students knew that it was their responsibility to act.

“Perpetrators surround themselves with people who support their behavior,” said Lockwood. “We have to try to break that circle [of support].”

Mitchell Scuzzarella can be reached at [email protected] 

Photo via Twitter/@AJStream