There are so many things people tell you about love: it’s amazing, it’s life-changing, and that it means constant foot rubs,flowers and affection. It means changing your relationship status on Facebook and posting pictures on Instagram of your man or woman crush on Wednesdays. Love is a beautiful thing but over the years, I have learned there are things about being in a relationship they forgot to tell us about.
1. You no longer know the meaning of a “good night’s sleep.”
Suddenly you have a new body pillow and this one snores, farts and takes up the entire bed. You know those scenes in Grey’s Anatomy when Meredith is sleeping and McDreamy just sits there propped up, watching her with his gorgeous eyes? Yeah, that’s not how your nights will go. You are going to have to deal with constant kicking and shoving, having the covers taken from you and someone rolling over to kiss you in the morning with the lovely mouth they have yet to brush.
2. You get fat.
I guess we’ve all heard that you gain a when you fall in love. Well, no one told us that you can actually get fat from picking up your partner’s eating habits. You now have someone who wants to take you out on dates, get the most fattening artery-clogging hamburger with fries and it makes you so jealous you know you’re going to have to order it for yourself too.
3. You will learn how to have a relationship with video games, too.
How can someone sit with his face glued to a screen for five hours on end, not doing anything productive with his life and enjoy it so much? Whether it’s “FIFA” or my personal favorite “Call of Duty,” if your partner likes video games, expect hours of feverish yelling at the fictional, meaningless game in front of him. When you’re sick of watching him have all the fun, you’ll try it and if you’re lucky, you’ll actually like it.
4. You become a kleptomaniac.
Suddenly your sweatshirt collection is a disgrace, uncomfortable and inferior to his. You find yourself stealing a sweatshirt every chance you get and “forgetting” to bring it back, even though it’s his favorite. His sweatpants, even though they legitimately fall off of your waist, are cozier than any pair of black leggings you have scattered around your room. Your petty theft doesn’t stop there. Items like hats, that pair of jeans you admire and toiletries are not off limits.
5. You start to follow accounts like “Cute Emergency” and “Baby Animals” on Instagram and Twitter, just to tag him in them.
This is one I am personally guilty of in the worst way. It’s that feeling when you see a picture of a squirrel feeding another squirrel and it reminds you of last week when he gave you some of his chips at Chipotle. When you see a little Yorkie puppy sleeping on another little Yorkie puppy and think, “Oh that is SO us.” If you haven’t already followed these accounts, don’t worry, the time will come and you will hate yourself for it.
6. You become jealous.
If you’ve ever said,“oh, but I’m not a jealous person,” give it time. Suddenly you have this other person that you have given everything to, committed to and dedicated your time to–of course you don’t want anyone else taking that. Before you know it, you find yourself looking over your partner’s shoulder to peek at his phone to see who he’s talking to.
7. You will laugh at the things you pick fights about.
Arguments will range from “you didn’t give me a kiss goodbye,” to “please turn your f**$&%* music down,” and each one will be just as ridiculous as the next. If you’re in love right now, you can expect to argue at least once about the following things: the toilet seat being left up, ESPN or Sex and the City, Burger King or McDonalds, taking “the good pillow,” liking your ex’s Instagram photos and the always enjoyable “you’re too drunk, stop drinking” at a party argument.
However, despite all that, being in love is amazing and you learn to get used to the quirks about one another. So, laugh at the silly, stupid arguments and every now and then, play video games together even if you do miss the new episode of Scandal. Just enjoy being in love and in the moment.
Email Lauren Woods at [email protected] or follow her on Twitter @lauuwoods.