Understanding casual sex “no-gasms”

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by Shayna Alper

A woman who sleeps around is considered a slut, but a man who exhibits the same behavior is “a boss.” The social stigma is not only perpetuated by men, but women too, and this belief can have negative effects during sexual experiences.

“The Case of the Female Orgasm,” a study led by Elizabeth Lloyd at Indiana University, showed that only 40 percent of women said that they had an orgasm during their last sexual encounter, while 80 percent of men had orgasms. Why does this happen?

A woman’s sex organs require more complex stimulation in order to bring her to reach orgasm, says Lloyd. Men are different. Once the a guy finished, sex can no longer happen.

“A man’s orgasm is more functional and usually signifies the end of sex while a women’s orgasm doesn’t really have a ‘necessary’ purpose,” said UMass student Danielle, age 20.

Another missing element in casual sex is foreplay. Foreplay plays a big factor in women reaching orgasm and while many girls are capable of reaching their climax, they need more than just intercourse.

“I’ve finished maybe once or twice from just sex alone, but I always finish during the act when I get oral,” states UMass student Olivia age 21.

There is more to the woman’s orgasm then just physical stimulation, and the blame cannot be placed solely on the guy for not knowing what he’s doing, or not caring to get a girl to climax.

A study conducted by Justin Garcia with the Kinsey Institute & Department of Gender Studies, Indiana University, Bloomington, found that women are twice as likely to have an orgasm when they are in a relationship than when they have casual sex.

“When I had a boyfriend I would have an orgasm every time, but not once have I ever had an orgasm during casual sex,” said UMass student Alexandra age 20.

Over 60 percent of the women in the Indiana University poll said that they have more chance of reaching orgasm when they are in a relationship and while these women gave a wide array of reasons why they think that is, the issue of expectations seem to be a factor in female orgasms.

“I feel like I need to be with a guy consistently to in order to have an orgasm anyways, so I’m not really left wanting more because I don’t expect it in the first place” stated UMass student, Olivia.

Expectations are a tricky concept. If women start expecting orgasms, then that doesn’t mean that orgasms will happen out of nowhere. However, the expectation that they won’t achieve climax feeds into the acceptance that women don’t have orgasms during casual sex. Furthermore, it can be hard to feel comfortable having conversations about what you like with a new partner, which increases feelings of angst, and thus decreases the likelihood of reaching orgasm.

“The problem is both the mindset of the girl and the guy,” said Michelle, a UMass student. “When I have casual sex I don’t expect to have an orgasm because I know that they don’t know what I like. I do that for the experience of having casual sex. The guys either don’t realize it or genuinely don’t care.”

Many women don’t expect to have an orgasm during sex, which definitely plays into lowered levels of arousal. The woman’s orgasm is based in the brain, the largest sex organ. If the woman isn’t comfortable enough to completely let her body go during sex then she won’t get there, which can affect her sexual experience.

“Either the man can’t perform or the girl isn’t into it,” said UMass student Michael age 22,  “A female orgasm is just as much about the woman’s mindset and willingness to ‘let go’ as well as the man’s ability to get her to that point. While most men can just be stimulated until climax, I’ve found that women need to be aroused physically as well as mentally to get to that point.”

But just because there is no orgasm during sex, doesn’t mean the sex isn’t good. Everyone is pleased in different ways.

“Honestly, I’m not left wanting more,” said Hannah, a UMass senior, “There are times where it goes on for so long that I am completely satisfied.”

Ideally, sex would end with both people equally satisfied, and it should always include mutual consent and communication. Most people go into sex with the desire to pleasure the other person just as much as themselves. Even in casual settings, it is important to get an understanding of what the other person likes because it’s different from girl to girl and from guy to guy. Its sex; its suppose to be fun, exciting, and feel good, so don’t be worried about showing that person what turns you on.

Shayna can be contacted at [email protected]

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