[Satire] Study Shows Using Sticky Notes While Studying Makes Your Desk Look Really Cool


Photo by Lucia Obst

Midterms season is wrapping up, leaving us with only a brief moment of relief before the threat of finals looms over our heads. Some of us escaped our exams achieving sufficient or even glowing grades, while others have been less fortunate. There are many potential culprits for unsatisfactory test results, and poor note-taking is a common example.


Researchers at the University of College sought to discover the most efficient study techniques to bolster your grades, and the results are in: sprawling sticky notes around your desk will make your workplace beautiful.


“Something about seeing a desk littered with fleeting thoughts really gives that Einstein-feel to it,” said researcher director Paige Norton, while carefully arranging her sticky notes into the shape of a dragon. “It’s a real confidence booster”.


Norton says using different colored sticky notes will give a look of organization, while adding a much needed splash of vibrance to the dull gray of reading and writing. Luckily for us, sticky notes are offered in over 50 different tones. 


“It felt like I was in arts & crafts class again!” beams participant Peter Nichols.


The study included a control group where participants scattered standard 8.5” x 11” office paper around their workspace. The effects were not the same. Participants in this group unanimously described their desks with dismal words such as “dreary” and “bleak”. If anything, this tactic only hindered their comprehension of the subject they were studying.


“There was no flair, no pizzazz,” says participant Phoebe Nash. “At one point I accidentally referred to my room as my ‘cubicle’ while talking with my roommates. Felt like I was on that sitcom about those guys working in the office. It was embarrassing”


While the study found no real way of retaining information better, it did mention the pride that people felt while detaching a sticky note from atop the pad. Some participants didn’t even write anything on the notes. Instead they spent 20 minutes ripping each individual piece of paper from its stationery home and tossing them into the air like concert confetti, presumably in a symbolic attempt to ensure every cent of the study’s budget was used.


The results found a whopping 85% of the participants found the sticky notes to be a beneficial addition to their desks. 9% didn’t see the appeal of sticky notes (yea whatever), and 6% walked out of the study midway through due to being bored. One anonymous participant who walked out described being uncomfortable with people wanting to study how she studies.


“Why are you so obsessed with me?” the participant had asked during the trials.


The researchers asked me to clarify that they were indeed “not obsessed”.

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